Perfectionism Paralysis: Letting go of limiting beliefs!

[Cami Walker -- 29Gifts Founder]

I've been suffering from Perfectionism Paralysis for about two weeks now. I consistently find myself feeling immobilized by trying to DO things perfectly and BE perfect.

My mother says my perfectionist persona has plagued me since I was a small child. When I was two, I wanted to tie my own shoes and would end up hurling them against the wall in frustration because I couldn't do it without help. When I was four, I would get frustrated and tear pages out of the "big people" books on the bookshelf because I couldn't read the words by myself. When I was six, I nearly burnt my right ear off because I insisted on trying to curl my own hair with an electric curling iron. When I was 15, I nearly had a nervous breakdown when I had to tell my father I got a B on an algebra test. I actually started cheating on some of my math tests after that because I was totally petrified of not getting an A. My need to be perfect actually drove me to lie and cheat, which is completely against my nature.

In recent weeks, I've been feeling frustrated. Each time I sit down to write a new chapter in the 29Gifts book, the words flow out in a less-than-graceful way. I know that good writing usually starts out stinky. I know it's best just to get things onto the page, then you can focus on making it sing. Over the years, as I wrote on deadline every day for my job, I developed the ability to write the right headline the first time and effortlessly spit out great copy that required very little (if any) editing. But writing ad copy or blog content feels very different from writing this book. The 29 Gifts story is personal and I feel like I've been called to deliver some important messages to the world through this story. It feels a lot weightier than the massive amounts of junk mail and spam I used to write, even though there was always a lot of money hinging on those projects.

I really want to just let go and let myself write. I want to NOT judge every phrase that flows from my fingers as they peck letter after letter onto the page. So my gift for today is to allow myself to let go and do just that. My goal for each day this week is to write two stinking chapters a day. I'm not going to allow myself to go back and read anything as I go. I'm just going to spit it out.

Operating in perfection mode is exhausting. And for me, it's a set up for inactivity. It's also a form of scarcity thinking... thinking I'm not good enough.. my words aren't good enough... my message isn't good enough.

If I allow an endless circle of those limiting thoughts to ramble through my head for even just a few seconds, I start to believe it and shut myself down.

I really want to let go of this... right now.

Here's my new mantra for the week. I'm going to start each writing session by saying this out loud. And if I notice the perfectionist switch turn on at any point, I promise to stop, stand up and repeat this three times.

I am wonderful.
My words are fabulous.
I write hopeful messages full of light, love and faith.

How about you? Is there a limiting pattern of thinking that you'd like to release yourself from today? Please share with us how you intend to do so.

[Erin - 29Gifts Community Manager]

this exact thought process (the one of perfectionism) has caused me to stop writing poetry for a couple of years now. I used to eat breathe and sleep it. I used to think in stanzas. Then we lost Nova and no matter how badly I wanted to write, or how desperately I needed the catharsis of writing, I felt that nothing I wrote was worthy, I'd write about my feelings of loss and grief, and my words weren't deep enough. I'd write about my son, and the words weren't big enough. Everything paled in comparison to reality, it was crap compared to the depth of my pain, the enormity of my loss, the perfection of my child...

And I gave up. I haven't written poetry in so long...

I hope that you really can let it go and tap into it and just let it flow.

Thinking of you, and sending the writing vibe your way.

[Cami Walker -- 29Gifts Founder]

Hi Erin, do you want to write poetry again? Or do you see it is a lost art for you? ... or have you've moved on to other forms of creative expression? If there is a desire to write poetry again, I challenge you to post one NEW poem as a gift to all of us this week. This challenge is (of course) completely optional, but should you choose to accept it, make sure and send me a link to the poem you post.

Thanks for sharing this. It's exactly what I'm struggling with right now. Everything I'm writing feels very surface level... like I'm not really tapping into the emotional and communicating the lessons I've learned. Everything reads like, "I gave this thing to this person"... without a lot of insight. I'm frustrated. But I'm going to keep going.

[Erin - 29Gifts Community Manager]

I don't exactly know the answer to this question. I have, for a good while, viewed it as a lost art... but I have never WANTED it to be a lost art. I have always hoped that I am able to go back to it, because I haven't yet been able to find another satisfying form of creative expression. So, unfortunately, I understand all too well what you're trying to overcome, and I am impressed by the fortitude you're exibiting - I cannot imagine making the conscious decision to take on a project of the magnitude you have, knowing it hinges on my ability to overcome the pressure and stress involved in doing something that has personally overwhelmed me, even on a small scale.

So, I'm going to accept your challenge. I hope I can let go of the mindset that has kept me from writing, and that I can turn out something I can feel good about. Thanks for posing the challenge too... maybe it's what I need!

[Mary]

Start small with a haiku -- a little dab of poetry instead of a dollop?

Swirling words dazzle
strung like beads in a necklace
adorning your page

There -- a small gift from one perfectionist to another. What I actually write of poetry are smart-ass limericks and oh, yes, a fabulous version of "Santa Claus Is Coming to Town" for my principal on Boss's Day.

[Cami Walker -- 29Gifts Founder]

Just a suggestion. Remove the pressure of thinking the poem needs to be "good." Just give yourself permission to write a poem without the judgment attached.

It worked for me today. I just finished my allotted 1.5 hours of writing time (since I'm only physically able to be on the computer 2 hours total in a day). I pumped out the two chapters. I have no idea if they're any good because I'm not letting myself to read them and pick them apart. Right now, I'd decided my writing approach is going to be about quantity, not quality. That's something I've learned in the three times I've done National Novel Writing month. I feel very proud that I've written three bad novels so far in my lifetime :-)

[Erin - 29Gifts Community Manager]

I'm pretty proud of my crappy chapbook too ;)

I posted the poem - http://givingchallenge.ning.com/profiles/blog/show?id=2039308%3ABlo...

[Meliors]

I utterly relate to perfection paralysis.
Cami, I know and you know, that you are a talented writer (every time I dip into your writing on this site I am delighted to be here with you). It's almost like being aware of that talent is a chokehold on production. You have to live up to your highest potential and when you aren't connected to your own goodness in the present moment, that potential seems like a memory rather than a reality. Its terrifying to risk letting yourself/everyone else down by not being good enough this time.
Reading your post at the same time as receiving a passionately encouraging comment on my other blog, is the push I need to finally stop hesitating and make contact with a magazine editor to pitch an proposal to write an article (my first attempt at commercial magazine writing).

[sharon]

I have been postponing writing the story to submit, for fear of not getting it "right".
I am going to commit to doing the rough draft in the next 7 days.
Thanks for sharing, Cami.

[Mary]

My own limiting perfectionism? Ha ha, I laugh in the face of such a concept! Yeah, okay, honestly, I'm trying REALLY hard to let go of perfectionism for Emily right now. We were talking in our 6th grade team meeting about the High Ability Learners program and the gal mentioned that they started testing in 3rd grade to see if they met the standards for HAL. They have to score in the 90th percentile or higher on the standardized tests they do. Cami knows me well and is laughing right now (I can hear your cackle, Cami, don't deny it!) because I was one of the freaks who score really well on those tests. When she said third grade (which Emily is in), I nearly leapt across the table to rip the scores out of her hands to see if I . . . . I mean, Emily . . . . . .had scored that well. Fortunately for my mothering ability, they haven't tested yet and my 6th grade colleague doesn't know who's on the hot list for third grade.

The question is -- WHY DO I CARE?? I've been there and done that. My daughter does not need to be good at what I was good at. When we were in college, Cami, you told me that you would give my children your phone number so that when I started to act like a freak as a mother, they could call you and you could slap the crap out of me. I laughed at the time, and yesterday I was telling Erin about how well you predicted my shortcomings as a mom. Perfectionism is almost like that nasty genetic disease I don't want to pass on to my progeny.

[Lauren Osornio]

I have discovered that if I acknowledge that I am more than my ego and its limited thinking, I can get in touch with the open and limitless part of my creativity and simply let it flow. There is no right or wrong, no good or bad. It just IS, and I can write it down, look at it and rearrange or take out what I want to later, and that doesn't mean it wasn't perfect. I have the right to play with whatever I write. If I think of it as "playing", how can it be less than perfect? Playing is fun and joyful. So if I hold onto the joy in whatever I'm doing, then it has to be "perfect," no more, no less.

[Ken Warder]

Yes , , , , when I read , , , I could hear your song with a little piano in the background , , , Its still resonating ,,
two minutes later , , , , How did You Do That ?

[Ann Hite]

Can I suggest Anne Lamott's Bird by Bird and Natalie Goldberg's Writing Down the Bones. Both are excellent for the editor that sits on your shoulder.

Also, I took a personal essay class this week at my writing retreat. I have a devil of a time writing the personal stuff. She urged me to write a a book length piece and to maybe approach the writing through essays. The idea is to sort through them and watch for the threads for the longer piece. Also she suggested writing it in novel form the first time. I realize you may not have this kind of time. I was able to write four personal essays in a week. All worthy of submission with a rewrite.

Keep at it. Writing memoir is the toughest genre I've ever attempted. A little voice keeps saying, "Really, who cares? What makes your story so important?"

You can do it.
Ann