Hard Labor: Are giving birth to something new in your life?

[Cami Walker -- 29Gifts Founder]

I have been reflecting on mothering and giving birth again over the past week. Yes, I know it's mother's day tomorrow so that's part of it, but several other factors are contributing to this line of thinking. We recently honored Mbali, the mother of the 29Gifts Movement, by helping her raise funds for an awesome humanitarian trip to South Africa. I spoke with Mbali yesterday and she shared a few details from her amazing trip. She will be writing some updates for all of us soon. Right now she is resting and recovering from the long journey. Plus, we just celebrated the first birthday of 29 Gifts in April and this month, May, we're encouraging people to honor Mother Earth by planting a tree, bush, flowers or anything else that grows roots into the earth and provides nurturing energy for our environment.

It's no secret around here that the biggest thing I "birthed" recently is the manuscript for the 29 Gifts book, which I delivered to my publisher in New York back in February.

Now I'm back in hard labor again as I dig in to the hefty rewrite my editor has requested. It's almost humorous. I was so happy with the manuscript I produced and delivered originally. I really thought it was a good story and had high hopes that we'd be able to sail through the editing process smoothly. And then when the very insightful and rather extensive feedback came in from my agent and editor, I received a rude awakening. They told me they want me to go deeper with the story -- that they felt I had failed to communicate how profoundly this project has transformed me on a spiritual level and on other levels as well. And they are right. After having some distance form the writing for a couple months, and now digging back in, I see that I barely scratched the surface of this story. And now it's time to excavate the layers and add the texture that will take the story from good to great.

I have to admit that I've spent the past two weeks in a state of panic. So much self doubt has come up -- am I really capable of doing this story justice? -- I keep asking myself.

We are on a very tight production schedule for the book at this point. It will be a lead release for the fall season on DaCapo Press so the the book MUST go into production in June. This means the rewritten manuscript is due June 1st. Thank GOD my agent and editor had the foresight to realize I likely can't handle this volume of work on my own due to my physical limitations so we've hired a wonderful development editor to help rewrite the bulk of the chapters and I am focusing on a few key chapters at the end of the book only.

I have been writing and making art since I was about ten years old and have birthed many creative projects large and small. I spent more than a decade writing professionally in advertising. You'd think by now I would be able to go through the creative process with some sense of grace and trust that divine guidance is leading me, I am just a vessel for the message to flow through. But I've lost sight of that for the past two weeks and instead spent most of my time alternating between crying, sleeping excessively because I don't want to face the work and having full on panic attacks that have required some intervention from my psychiatrist. In short, I've been a mess. It's really hard for me to show up in the world when I'm looking, acting and feeling messy, but that's just the truth about what's going on for me recently.

Only yesterday was I finally able to sit and truly focus enough to rewrite a couple chapters and things feel like they're starting to flow now. I had to strike a deal with my massage therapist to work out of her healing center the rest of the month because I basically can't trust myself NOT to drive myself insane working at home alone all the time. So starting yesterday, I'm on a schedule of coming into Grace Healing Center to work two hours on the book, then I will be getting a 30 minute massage to undo some of the painful knots the computer causes me.

I haven't been very present on the 29Gifts site for the past few weeks since all of this nutzso'ness began. I likely won't be around much again until sometime in June. But I know Erin, our kick-butt community manager, and our awesome Welcome Wagoneer Crew are holding down the fort without me.

Each and every one of you has been such an important part of this project because of the commitment you've made to offer your gifts to the world. THANK YOU to each of you from the bottom of my heart.

I'm curious to hear what you are all laboring over right now in your life. Are you giving birth to anything new and great? Feel free to share a comment on this string to let us all know. There's GREAT POWER in stating your creative intentions out loud in the world!

I also welcome any prayers, healings or other forms of good energy any of y'all want to send my way through the rest of the month. All of the support I've received for you amazing 29Givers has really kept me going through what has been a challenging and wonderful year.

[skay]

Cami, I get these every day from Neale Donald Walsch....and this very recent one really hit...and helped...me. I hope it will do the same for you.

On this day of your life, Sharon, I believe God wants you to know...

...that at some point it may serve you to decide that

a particular project or undertaking is complete.



Seeking excellence is one thing; never finding

anything totally satisfactory is another.

It is as I have told you before:

Perfection is the obstacle of creation

and the enemy of achievement.



At some point you've got to say, "This is good.

And this is enough." If you cannot do this, you will

never get anything done -- and that is the opposite

of what you want, is it not?

[Ann Hite]

Hi Cami:

Hang in there with the rewrite. It all part of the creative process and I don't have to tell you that. I'm working on two new projects at once. This is insane, but they both presented themselves at the same time, or within days of each other. One is a story collection that is connected through a cemetery. I've written three short stories so far. The second project is a new novel. I just finished the first chapter. Believe it or not the two balance each other. If I'm not flowing with one, I find a movement in the other. I like your idea of writing somewhere else. I'm a creature of habit but tend to move around in my home. Weird how that works.

I know you will creative project has and will touch many. I know mine two new projects will too. Take Care

Ann

[Kathleen Ravel]

I am sending positive energy your way and will keep you in my prayers. It was a smart move to get out of your house to do the work. Change in environment can be very helpful and what better place than a healing center? Hang in there I look forward to hearing about your progress. Peace and love. Kathleen

[Cindy]

Dear Cami-

It's funny, having given birth to three daughters I had the same kind of "I should be able to...." attitude with the last one that you have about this rewrite!! But actually each birthing process involves a whole new individual so here we are doing it all over again as if we've never done it before!! :)

I wish you all the best. Suffering the fear and panic is totally normal and if nothing else it spurs you to reach out and let us all know where you are, how you're doing and to revitalize the connections that are so very, very real!!

I am working on birthing a writing group -- it's not easy, and I have fears around it too... but I know it is worth it! As are all the creative impulses and projects that flow from this Source.

Best of luck - and good for you for taking such good care of yourself in the process!

Love,

Cindy

[Ann Hite]

Go Cindy! Writing groups are the best when you dedicated writers are involved.

[Cindy]

Thanks Ann! We're starting out with two, and staying open to the "arrival" of two more. :) There is a tingle of excitement, that's for sure!

[Paula Swenson]

Your story is your gift . . . allow yourself to give it . . you really CAN do it, and you will. I also do editing and if you need an extra pair of eyes on anything, let me know . . . PEACE and HUGE supportive HUGS! Paula

[Nancy Devine]

Cami, you don't realize it now, but you're doing great, and the fruits of all this inner work will be gems you will always have with you. I know, because I'm a writer, too, and in grad school went through what you have described--the crying and sleeping and having waves of self-doubt. I looked deep inside and decided that I would not take the easy out, I wouldn't blame it on my teachers, but instead I looked at my writing and heard what they were saying about it. I tossed out 6 chapters and wrote 5 news ones, and I could tell from the minute I started that I did have energy for it. But be gentle with yourself, is my advice. This is all heavy-duty inner work that also is your writing process. It will slowly fuel your creative energy, and your assignment is to show up on the page every day. It is an act of faith. I know you can do this, and you do, too. You did it before, This is just the next step, even though it feels like going backwards. The editors want you to share your journey, ups and downs, because people want to read about real people's journeys. Your journey is a central part of the book, even though that's not why your wrote it. Readers want to know about your journey, which is so compelling, so that they can learn from it for themselves. Your story will give them courage to keep going on theirs. Keep showing up on the page and you will get there. All best energy and warmest wishes, Nancy

[Simla]

Cami,

You rock.

Like I said yesterday, I can't wait to read it, imperfections and all.

Loads and loads of love,
Simla

[patricia]

Keep going Cami, and keep telling yourself you can do it because you know you can. And pray for guidance - you will surely receive it. Our prayers, wishes and blessings are there for you. Go for it and all the best
Patricia

[Cami Walker -- 29Gifts Founder]

You are all amazing. Thanks so much for the supportive replies. I'm at that point in the process where new ideas bubble up constantly and all I want to do is write for hours. But my body has limits and I'm trying to respect them. I want this experience to be something I can look back on and say I truly enjoyed the journey... not something i had to push myself through. I've done to much pushing in my life already. It's time to allow life to unfold.