When giving is blocked

[Alex King-Harris]

I'm feeling a bit lost this morning, so I figure it's time to be honest and share what's going on for me, as this usually helps me move energy that has somehow become stuck.

I was truly moved when I first read about the 29-day giving challenge, yet since signing up I feel as though I've come up awfully short of the mark with regards to giving.

It's not that I don't give... I'm a musician and I often give away my music for free because I love the feeling of sharing it with others. If I pass a homeless person in the street I almost always give them something... I give my expertise with computers away often free of charge, and will help almost anyone with technical problems without expecting money in return.

The problem seems to come in feeling good about the way in which I choose to give. I've read some posts about this and see that it often comes down to paying more close attention to moments in which we are truly giving, rather than expecting our giving to always be flashy and easy to spot.

The other thing that fascinates me is my tendency to only give whole heartedly when I'm experiencing a crisis moment in my life. Why is it that we have to wait until our lives are literally falling apart to find the motivation to be truly giving and kind to others? Should I judge myself for being selfish if I don't spend my every waking moment considering others unless I'm truly in a place of dire need?

For example I'm home with my family for Christmas right now, and while I LOVE giving them all gifts for Christmas, the hardest thing for me to give them is simply my undivided attention. All of the most difficult family dynamics come to the surface when I come home, as I only visit at Christmas time. Yet if I were to loose a family member, or watch one of them become terminally ill, I'd be there in an instant - wanting to give my time and attention freely until their health had returned.

Sometimes I just feel that I don't fully understand my own motivations for giving - nor do I see myself prioritizing giving over selfish gains unless my life or someone else's life is on the line. That being said, when I start to list the ways in which I give, I'm often surprised by the reality of my own giving.

Perhaps I need a vacation somewhere tropical. That often supplies me with the perspective needed to continue... the deep winter is always a hard time for me when emotional reserves seem to be a little short.

Thanks for reading my random ramble...

xo
Alex

[viks]

hello, I think its often surprising when you list the ways you've been giving. I've not found some great apthinany that people seem to get but then ive been "giving" nearly my everything (time/energy wise) for years. I don't know why I started doing what I do (I set up and run www.postpals.co.uk) but I don't think it matters, all that matters is your giving x

[Mariposa Jo]

Maybe you can set out to give a little time to your family members and call them or spend some time asking them how they are doing. Maybe that can be the gift you give. For some of us "time" is our most cherished gift.

[Sara Nicole]

Christmas is one of the most stressful times of the year. I happen to absolutely love Christmas, seriously, I turn into a little kid, however, even I feel the need to relax and take it easy afterwards. I agree with Mariposa Jo, maybe connecting in small ways throughout the year is the way to go! I think the most important thing is the desire to give. It's truly wonderful and it sounds like you're quite generous!

[Ana]

The best part of your life story is the insight the ability of looking at yourself and pin point the things that you want to change, that is already a gift.
A gift to yourself. The art of giving is also a learning curve with moments that we want to give everyhting and others that we just want to receive and that can be a hug or an object. What I have found along my journey is that the opportunity of giving is always present in my life, and I can always choose to turn away from those who need me or help them. These days I can say that I am more aware of the impact of my giving, and when you are aware that 1 smile, 1 kind word can have a dramatic impact on another person's life, the question behind the motives of the gift just fades away. I am also part of a site called helpothers, there you can find that the giving goes as far as your imagination can take you. The most amazing thing is how some times so little can reach so far. You mentioned that if a loved one became ill you will run to his/her side, what is stopping you to be with that person(s) now? The only thing we have for sure is the present moment, now, tomorrow ( though we take it for granted) it may never come. Take the example of the Haiti, over 100.000 people had Tuesday but they didn't make it "tomorrow". The message is clear do what you need to do today, tomorrow may never come. Thank you for sharing your ramble. Love and Light, Ana

[Angel Stork - 29 Gifts Educator]

Like Ana, I appreciate your honesty and willingness to examine your motives and the seeming "pattern" of giving to your family. I encourage you to give yourself your undivided attention, especially around these questions. I don't believe we have good or bad motivations, but I think we can grow into better quality (higher minded) intentions.
Whenever I went home after a period away (immersion in my own life), I often felt challenged by the old family dynamics. I began to understand that my family were trying to re-establish rapport, even if it meant pulling in a past-ward direction--old fears and arguments, referring to past conflicts, teasing with that I-knew-you-when tone...No matter how self-directed I am, no matter how successful, knowledgeable or wise I become, I am still someones little sister.
At my age, I am more amused than irritated. I just let them go through their routines, wait and watch, and pretty soon we land on the current time page, just being ourselves.
Carolyn Myss says, "Family teaches survival, but not evolution."
Keep at it (life)
Angel

[Kari]

Your random ramble doesn't seem random or ramblesque to me at all. Thank you for sharing your thoughts!

[Alex King-Harris]

Wow, thanks so much everyone for responding to my post. So many great things here to meditate upon. I always feel so blessed when my thoughts and feelings are received with such care and understanding... and it's GREAT to know that I'm not alone in my experiences.

[Deb~ Community Manager]

Thank you for sharing this~

[emjay]

I don't know if this is appropriate for you, but it jumped out of the page when I opened the book a friend gave me a long time ago called 'Timeless Passages'..  I don't know who wrote it

Easy to get depressed these days,

easy to feel afraid,

easy to think the world's gone mad,

easy for dreams to fade.

But the news we hear of the things we fear

should never blind us to

the many kind & splendid things

so many people do.

& remember you do many splendid things too...

[Deb~ Community Manager]

Thanks for sharing this, Alex~