Amy Leventhal's Page

DAY ONE: April 9
Haven't left the house yet. That means I can either give my cat some serious lovin' or count the fact that I added a glowing recommendation for an old boss of mine on Linked In this morning. Hadn't been in touch with him in years. Just saw him on there and felt compelled to let him -- and others -- know that he really made a difference in my life. I still feel like making the cat purr. I just may have to give two things today.

DAY TWO: April 10
I've always been pretty terrified of the dentist until I found Transcendentist in Berkeley a few weeks ago. They are completely shattering my phobia. Every time I'm there I just want to do something nice for them because they are all so wonderful. Today, I gave my hygienist three great recommendations: 1) Take her son for a fun day on the train from Felton to the Santa Cruz Boardwalk. 2) Read Michael Pollan's latest: In Defense of Food, to help her stay motivated after a cleanse. 3) And give Tonglen meditation a try.

DAY THREE: April 11
A friend of mine from NYC recently moved to town with her husband and two little ones. The hubby is out of town with the kids this weekend, so I'm going to treat her to a girl's night out -- something I don't think she's been able to do for quite some time. Is it still giving if I get to go out and have fun, too?

DAY FOUR: April 12 (Saturday)
Hmm. When I signed on for this, I was thinking that giving would be more about physical objects, gifts, or just something tangible. But so far, it's been about giving advice, kudos, or treating someone to an experience. Today, a friend of a friend asked if I'd speak to a student at Mills College who is interested in a job at IDEO, a place I've worked for many years. I set up an informational interview with her and will do what I can to help her gain traction inside the organization, if that's what she chooses to do.

I'm also starting Darshana's 21-day cleanse today.

DAY FIVE: April 13 (Sunday)
A somewhat new friend of mine is in the middle of a difficult breakup. I've been there myself (haven't we all?) so I cleared the decks and opened up my Sunday to go spend the afternoon with her in Marin. We took a lovely hike in Larkspur. Giving up a "me" day I had planned for myself because I've been a little over-scheduled turned into a wonderful "we" day. Great conversation, exercise and a chance to get closer. On my way home, I stopped to visit another friend, also on the brink of a breakup to see how she was doing, and again, was met with an intense conversation, but a really, really nice time with a very important person in my life. As a bonus, she taught me about the I Ching, and I had a really interesting reading.

DAY SIX: April 14 (Monday)
My niece has been struggling with a difficult decision: choosing to go to a college close to home in Pennsylvania or breaking out from under the wing of her parents and friends and going to Arizona. She's been driving herself nuts about it. I've been trying to give her advice without showing my hand and swaying her one way or the other. Mostly because my brother would kill me if he found out -- he doesn't want his baby that far from home. We talked and texted a lot the last few weeks and today she told me she's going for it and going to ASU. I am so proud of her decision, and am glad I could help show her that she can do this. I believe I helped point something very important out -- independence isn't synonymous with abandonment. You can love your parents and live your own life at the same time.

DAY SEVEN: April 15 (Tuesday)
A very stressful day today. Another dental appointment. And not a very fun one. Needed a shot in my palate, right behind my front teeth. Yowie! Can't remember the last time I was in that much pain. After I composed myself, I really made a point to let the hygienist know that I was okay and I knew it was probably as painful for her for having to "do" that "to" me. When the dentist called me later that evening to check in on me, I took time to tell him how wonderful I think his staff is -- so compassionate and caring. I think he really appreciated it and probably doesn't hear that too much.

DAY EIGHT: April 16 (Wednesday)
Day 5 of my 21-day cleanse. Feeling a little blue today. Not sure if it's hormonal, or a hangover from my dental appointment. Had a lunch date scheduled with a friend today to meet at a yummy vegan sandwich place in Oakland called the Breakroom. I love this place when I'm in the mood for a club sandwich or meatball sub -- meatfree of course (I am vegan). But fake meat isn't exactly on my cleanse diet. I really wasn't feeling up to it, or being tempted by the place, but my friend is dealing with a very serious eye problem and multiple surgeries and I knew he really wanted to go there and get together, so I did. There was nothing on the menu that was on my cleanse, except a cold cucumber soup made with soy. I really didn't want the soy. Really didn't. But I didn't want him to feel badly. So I ordered it and we had a nice lunch together. This probably doesn't sound like a big deal, but to me it was. This cleanse is important to me, but so is this friend. I've been working hard on being compassionate in all aspects of my life. This was a great example, I think.

DAY NINE: April 17 (Thursday)
I've been focused on work and myself and my friends quite a bit lately. All good things, but along the way, I feel like I've been neglecting my husband and the house a little bit. He is an amazing man who is the embodiment of the dharma. I learn from him everyday in meaningful ways. Sometimes I forget to give back to him. He has very simple wants and needs. So I have to be more creative with giving. He's very into the ancient Buddhist texts at the moment. So I found him one that is out of print and sent it to him at his office. He's also very into the garden and has been out there the last few weeks lovingly tending to our vegetables and herbs. Today I will go out and do some weeding to surprise him. I'm doing a load of his laundry as I type -- something we often do together.

DAY TEN: April 18 (Friday)
I'm in a pickle today. I've got a relative in town whom I really don't like as a person. She has said and done some rather unkind things to me in the past. But I feel obligated to see her, and so I will. The plot recently sickened...I now have to schlep her into the city to see her grand daughter and then schlep her all the way back to San Ramon where she is staying. None of the four of us who are gathering today really want to gather in the first place. I think we're all doing it out of obligation. So I'm not sure what I'm giving today, because it's not coming from a "good place", but I sure do feel like I am giving. Giving in? Giving up? On a happier note, last night I cooked dinner for a friend who is going through a separation. Can that count for today? : )

DAY ELEVEN: April 19 (Saturday)
Today was my second meeting with the Cleanse Crew. I started juice "feasting". I was feeling the power. On the way back to the East Bay I took BART home with another woman in the class. We dialogued about the cleanse, a plant-based diet, right-livelihood. I shared with her some tips for the cleanse and she shared with me how miserable she was in her job. I helped her brainstorm a bit about steps she could take to extract herself from the situation and move out of the stagnancy into something more meaningful. Having done it myself, I'm inspired to help others find the strength to find their truth.

DAY TWELVE: April 20 (Sunday)
A dear friend of mine had his parents in town this weekend. I have quite a soft spot in my heart for them. When I was healing from my separation from my ex husband they invited me to spend the holidays with their family one year in Taos. It was such a great celebration and I never forgot their generosity. Whenever they are in town I like to see them, honor them, pay my respects. They were out having brunch with some friends and I knew they had a busy day, so I just timed it so I could see them after brunch, give them hugs and check in and let them know I was thinking about them. His father in particular seemed very touched by the visit, short as it was. It was just enough to let them know they still hold a special place in my heart.

DAY THIRTEEN: April 21 (Monday)
I went to my astrologer today and he read my chart. WOW. That was one of the most inspiring, insightful, motivating days I can remember having. He is such an intuitive psychic. Very kind and gentle. It's like he can see every facet of me. It's quite amazing and I wonder what it must be like to have that kind of vision. He works on a sliding scale: $100-200. I'm really not in a financial place where I can be giving money away freely. But in the moment I was inspired to thank him for giving me such a wonderful experience and help ease his financial burden. It felt good to give beyond what felt intellectually comfortable financially and give with my heart in the moment. Freeing.

DAY FOURTEEN: April 22 (Tuesday)
Earth Day! I really wanted to "do" something for Earth Day. Get involved. Go out and be with the community. Help in some way. Show my support. But I couldn't find anything. Everything had happened over the weekend. So I went to the Farmer's Market in the late afternoon and supported my local organic growers and picked up some beautiful produce for my partner and I. It's amazing how much better everything tastes/feels when you buy it from people you know in the community. Giving and receiving are inextricably linked. Everyone wins.

DAY FIFTEEN: April 23 (Wednesday)
A very dear friend took me for a beautiful walk today somewhere I hadn't been before. I was really looking to explore somewhere new and she "gave" me that experience. It felt so good. I couldn't help but want to give back to her. We had a wonderful walk by the Bay, wind rushing through our hair, conversation flowing. We are both going through intense changes and openings in our lives. Talking about it with her is always very therapeutic and positive. It often feels like we are acting as reflecting pools for each other in so many ways. I try and help her see things in a new way to help her bring more positivity into her life, and she does the same for me. It's totally symbiotic, coming from a place of love. I can't exactly extract one act from the other. That's what's so wonderful about it.

Also, on my way to meet her, I was driving along and a pedestrian, a man in his 50s or so very deliberately made eye contact with me as I was driving by. He smiled and tipped his hat to me. It was such a friendly gesture. An exchange between strangers that felt like we were family. I smiled back and tipped my head to him. It made my day. And felt like a sign. Giving begets giving.

DAY SIXTEEN: April 24 (Thursday)
Tonight my friends at Conscious Creative hosted a reading and book signing of the new anthology American Earth. Paul Hawken came and read excerpts by the other authors included in the book. It was a very inspiring evening. I volunteered to help them at the event, but they had enough people to get things done. What they needed was people to attend the event. So I invited a few friends and 3 showed up! Not only was Cheri happy that I spread the word and brought people, the friends I brought really got a lot out of the evening. Sometimes helping someone out isn't about knocking yourself out.

DAY SEVENTEEN: April 25 (Friday)
Another day at the dentist. It's funny. As much as I'm there to work through some very tough stuff, I am so grateful to the people that are helping me do so, that I can't help but want to help them while I am there. One of the practitioners working on me shared some pretty personal stuff she was going through. Typically I just lay there and nod my head in support, but today I felt like she needed more moral support. So in between the treatment I stopped and chatted with her about what was going on and tried to empathize with what she was going through. She would stop and listen and really seemed grateful for the attention paid to her and her needs. Something she probably doesn't get too much while at work helping others all day. As much as I just want to get out of that dentist chair, prolonging the appointment to help her felt good and right and ultimately stronger for the experience that lay ahead made me happy. The big theme emerging here is that when you give you receive.

DAY EIGHTEEN: April 26 (Saturday)
My husband has had a very tough week at work. He is a social worker and works with the poorest of the poor who also suffer from mental illness and other serious health problems. There is nothing he enjoys more on the weekend than starting the day with a cup of raw cacao and a few hours of yoga. I'm not always in the mood or the space to do it with him, but today I knew he would really especially appreciate the time spent together sharing the experience. He loved it. As did I. It was a great way to connect after a week of being preoccupied and disconnected.

DAY NINETEEN: April 27 (Sunday)
Today I had brunch with a friend I met in culinary school almost 2 years ago. It was the first time I'd seen her since we graduated and I was really looking forward to catching up. She sometimes tends toward the gloomy end of the spectrum, and it can be draining. Today I focused all of my attention and energy on bringing light to the conversation, adding hope and joy to the mix. I'm not sure if I succeeded or just made her feel worse for not being in "as happy" a place as I am. But I hope I helped her see there's another path.

DAY TWENTY: April 28 (Monday)
My parents' anniversary is quickly approaching. My Mom is stressed out because we have a big family and lots of big events to celebrate this year including graduations and big birthdays, etc., and she knows we're all a bit strapped for cash. I don't know why she didn't feel she could do it herself, but she asked me (the baby in the family) to email everyone and suggest that we shouldn't exchange gifts this year. That time together is the greatest gift we can give each other -- not things with price tags. So I did just that. And it started a nice dialogue with one of my brothers. I hope we can start trending toward giving time rather than giving gifts. This challenge has helped me see how much more fulfilling and gratifying it can be, for all involved.

DAY TWENTY ONE: April 29 (Tuesday)
I volunteered my time in the kitchen of a macrobiotic restaurant today. I did it to help out a chef I really like and admire. I also did it to learn a little more about the macrobiotic principles of cooking so that I can pay that knowledge forward by teaching others or preparing a macrobiotic meal for them and teaching them through experience -- seeing how the body feels after such a balanced meal. A very close friend of mine was just told she has the breast cancer gene and is weighing her options. I am visiting her in LA next week and hope to cook her a nice macrobiotic meal to show her it's not so daunting. On the contrary, it tastes/feels good AND is incredibly good for you.

DAY TWENTY TWO: April 30 (Wednesday)
I went to a yoga class today. The teacher was new to me, and it was a very small class. This teacher was putting her whole self out there for us, really wanting to connect with each of us and inspire us to think about a time when something seemed impossible...until we achieved it. The whole class was dedicated to "impossible" poses, but she did it in such a way that it wasn't at all intimidating. She let us play, explore, try. Usually, I'd feel very self-conscious in that situation, but she had created such a safe space that there was nothing to feel funny about. We were all in it together. I made a strong effort to connect with her and the other students through eye contact and soft smiles. They did the same. We were all so present in the moment. Together. You could feel it. I carried that with me all day and subsequently connected more deeply with everyone I came into contact with all day.

DAY TWENTY THREE: May 1 (Thursday)
A colleague of mine has been totally frozen with fear and stuck in a job that is not good for him...for 7 years. I've worked with him for 5 of those 7 years and have been encouraging him to make a change for as long as I can remember. Well, he's finally done it. He's taking a 3-month sabbatical and doing a live-work exchange in Hawaii at a retreat center. I wish he had just cut ties completely, but I know how scary that is. So I am committing to write him once a week (like my Mom used to do when I was at overnight camp) to support him and encourage him to break free of a bad thing. I just got my first postcard back from him. There was one sentence on it: "I wonder why I never changed before -- I feel so alive." Needless to say, it brought me to tears. I look forward to continuing this 3-month correspondence. He's not the only one who will grow from it.

DAY TWENTY FOUR: May 2 (Friday)
It's my parents' anniversary today. They've been together 54 years. Yowza. The one thing my Mom wanted this year was for none of us to give them anything. They've had a tough year, health-wise, and my rather large family has been giving to them all year, by way of hospital visits, meals cooked, family gatherings, rides to doctor appts, etc. Nothing out of the ordinary, but to them, it has meant A LOT. Far more than anything that comes in a box with a bow. It was hard NOT to get them "something" for their anniversary. But that was what they wanted. And ultimately, it felt good to give them just that. Even though it involved giving nothing at all, it really was a gift and it really was meaningful to them.

P.S. Today is the last day of Darshana's 21-day cleanse. What a blockbuster! An experience I won't soon forget. I've never felt so supported by a group of people I'd never met before. Community -- real community -- is the key. If only everyone could see...

DAY TWENTY FIVE: May 3 (Saturday)
My husband has really had a rough patch at work the last few months. He works with economically disadvantaged, severely mentally ill adults. And though he has a wonderful temperament for the work and excellent boundaries, from time to time, it gets overwhelming for him. We were supposed to go to Santa Cruz this weekend and celebrate an early Mother's Day with his parents, but when he got home from work yesterday, he was totally fried and on edge. I'm one of those "we've-gotta-do-the-right-thing" people, so NOT going to celebrate Mother's Day wasn't really an option in my mind. But he was so depleted, so empty and worn, that one look in his eyes and I knew we had to cancel, even though giving him this "out" meant taking something away from someone else. It all ended well. His Mom totally understood. They came up later in the week and we took them out for dinner. Everyone gave and everyone gained.

DAY TWENTY SIX: May 4 (Sunday)
It has been 17 years since I was in touch with one of my closest friends from college -- until our friendship turned romantic and then ran into a brick wall for reasons too complicated to share here. Thanks to Facebook, we recently reconnected and as luck would have it, a business trip brought him to town a few weeks later, from 3,000 miles away where he lives with his family. I'd been beating myself up for, well, 17 years, for how things played out. And in one evening -- one night over drinks and a mezze plate at the Top of the Mark, overlooking the magnificent cityscape, bay and bridges -- the regret, the feeling of loss floated away with the evening fog, right out of my heart and through the Golden Gate. For one evening, we were 17 again, totally in the moment and grateful for the opportunity to have grown and to give each other the gift of forgiveness.

DAY TWENTY SEVEN: May 5 (Monday)
I'm getting ready to head down to LA for a week of r&r, to see some dear friends I haven't seen in a long time, and to give myself a little break from my routine. I'm finding it a little stressful to try and pack everything and everyone into a couple of days. In my desire to accommodate everyone and keep things loose, I'm realizing that I'm really accommodating no one. Setting some plans in stone helped things fall into place. Sometimes a little structure can be oh so freeing.

DAY TWENTY EIGHT: May 6 (Tuesday)
I'm in the middle of a little freelance project at the moment. I tend to really get immersed in my work -- and invest more than is really necessary or healthy sometimes. This time, I'm really consciously loosening the reins and just being "a contractor". The team has a lot on their plates and just needs me to do my part instead of me trying to swoop in and save the day. I'm starting to realize that giving less sometimes opens up space for giving in other ways.

DAY TWENTY NINE: May 7 (Wednesday)
Went to LA today. Yay! After picking up my rental car (they upgraded me to a Prius! -- when does that ever happen?) I went straight to the home of friends of mine who had just brought home their 3-day old daughter, Adi. I made a point to really connect with their 2-year old. Who, much to my surprise, was really jazzed about being a new big sister and was already intuitively learning how to selflessly give of herself. At naptime, she heard her sister crying, and asked her Mom if she needed to go soothe her or feed her. My friend said no, that Daddy was taking care of her, also mindful of not "abandoning" her for the new baby. After a few more minutes of hearing the baby cry, through a quivering sigh, big sister Noa told her Mom, "It's okay, Mommy, I can get to sleep by myself. Go comfort the baby." Talk about giving! Quite a lovely lesson at the end of my 29 days of giving!