I am probably on the verge of losing my best friend, my rent's gone up unexpectedly, my parents need me to help with the bills at home, my salary will definitely NOT increase for the 3rd year running and yet I am so at peace...Don't get me wrong, at the moment my friend issue is bugging the crap out of me - I don't even know HOW to feel. I miss her and I am angry at her. I am hoping that I somehow get a miraculous windfall.
I am still giving mini-gifts - nothing earth-shattering.
The days between my last blog post and this one have been so weird. I have re-discovered so many good qualities inside myself and I've also unearthed those ugly traits too...I am very confused and yet totally sure, I am sad, yet happy, I am fighting with myself whilst being completely at peace...for the first time in a long time, I am content inside, regardless of what's coming. Look, I still have stupid moments - I get wildly angry and hurt and disappointed and unhappy - its almost as if everything is intensified tenfold - the good and the bad and the underlying contentment - its he weirdest thing.
I have discovered a book too - I read TONS, everything from murder mysteries, to comics (hee hee graphic novels 'cause I's a grownup HAHAHAHAHA), but lately I found this book - its been on my bedside table at my parent's home since I was like 14 and it always seemed to be the most boring book - strangely enough, lately it has me asking questions, writing thoughts and trying to figure things out and it has me content - weird huh...
I am so happy - I am filled with a dodgy joy (dodgy, because I can be a bit up+down for no reason at times, and as soon as I feel happy, I could feel sad...)
My gifts are no longer gifts to others...its like breathing - I breathe INTO MYSELF, so I HAVE to breathe OUT TO OTHERS...