Last night was not a good night. I received a call from a number I didn't recognize so I let it go to voicemail. It was a message from our new cleaning lady, Vicki, who we hired to help out during my bed rest. Turns out my husband had accidentally paid the last two weeks with checks from a closed account. Vicki was not happy. That's an understatement. Vicki was furious and I was called a "bad person" several times, among other things.
I was angry, frustrated, & humiliated.
Angry because after my purse was stolen two years ago, we received bad advice from our bank. Aside from charging up my credit cards at Target, the thief walked into a bank office & emptied all of our accounts 2 weeks before Xmas. As a result, all of our accounts were changed. Somehow, we ended up with these checks that don't link to an account.
I was frustrated with my husband. I wanted to pay the cleaning lady with cash, but he thought it would be easier to pay by check. Now, I was being yelled at for his decision to use checks.
I was humiliated by the situation and hurt to receive that call from Vicki the cleaning lady. Years of feeling like I didn't measure up came rushing back to me, a remnant from my childhood. This experience also tapped into the side of me that wants to control everything in my universe, the part that says I can clean my house better than Vicki and cook and do laundry better than my husband. I've spent a good part of the past few years battling my dark side.
Still, I need these two people right now. Although I probably wouldn't have left a phone message like Vicki's, I can understand why she might have done so. Vicki is the sole provider in a home which includes her elderly husband and drug-addicted grandson. In this situation, two checks bouncing is no joke. As for my husband, he works 10 hours a day & then arrives home to complete tasks that I usually do. Aside from completing physical chores, he is my main source of mental support during this risky pregnancy. He is doing the best that he can.
After I told my husband about Vicki's message he said, "Well, hopefully she can recognize that we're not perfect and forgive us." Vicki and my husband aren't perfect. The truth is, neither am I. Yesterday, I gave the gift of forgiving imperfections in everyone, even myself.