I had to cut myself a break today.
Kyle's dad took us sight seeing around nashville. We drove to the downtown area and walked along broadway street. They call it Nash Vegas because it's all glitsy.
We went out for some barbecue after that. I had a catfish blt covered in grease and tartar sauce. It was pretty good, but I've been struggling lately with my body image. I'm going to leave for rehearsals soon and i'm not as toned as I would like to be. It doesn't help that i've just started taking birth control again, (that always bloats me up) but everytime I come to Wisconsin from Vancouver I always gain about 5-10 pounds. I think it's all the drinking and late night ordering in. You become very aware of any extra fat you have once they put you in one of those sparkly thong bathing suits on stage along side all the other dancers. Anyways, i've been having a really rough time with how I look and thinking it just isn't good enough yet.
My gift today was to accept myself the way I am right now. I stood in front of the mirror in the bathroom and focused only on everything I like about the way I am, not what I'm trying to change. I felt better for the whole day. This is the only way to be. Later on tonight, I broke down a little bit again. I ate a sandwich right before bed and guilt overtook me. I went to bed feeling like a failure. So, my gift didn't last me all day. But for a few hours, I felt free of any pressure.