Well, I kaputtled. I began with a pledge to myself. Good intentions, indeed. And, life just scooped me up and took me somewhere else. Where? To B.C. for training, to a yoga retreat that I ended up retreating from, and to rest my weary bones. Then it hit me. I was "whelmed".
Life whelmed me, as it sometimes does to all of us. I've just done a bit too much living these last few years: Illness, a move to Canada, return home, divorce, broke, and then being fired twice within a year. Whoa! (I'll never, ever work for the Army again. Some of those guys are downright mean.) The drama, I fear, isn't over, however, and I'm weary.
I've paused and continued to take some steps forward. Paused again. Then, up and at 'em. In the process I continue to learn how many others are struggling to keep their spirits up in these difficult times, their families together, a roof over their heads. There are many of us struggling with disappointments and betrayals. It's certainly disheartening.
So what is this all for? What is the meaning? The purpose? Why? Perhaps, it's time to take stock. To reevaluate myself. My life. And, ask, Where am I going? What are my dreams? What are my strengths? My weaknesses and limitations? I'm no longer a young woman. I'm mature. I'm wise. I'm a crone. I haven't yet had my crowning. Smile. But, all the same, I've arrived.
So dry my tears. Allow my heart to mend. Appreciate the humor in the pathos. Take this dose of human suffering, offer it up, and recognize the sacredness of it all. Then, fill my belly up with air. Laugh out loud. And get over it!
Don't take me wrong. I'm not lacking compassion. I continue to pause, pick up a stone, put it on the pile, and walk the path of life.