i am still here

[helen klaw]

ok so i have to go back to thursday and my gift thursday was i was wathing out my front window and saw my neighbors accross from me who are both in their 70's and they were trying to unload some ground cover from their truck.he had a stroke a couple years ago and so is not real sure on his feet and they were having some trouble and so i went out and just helped them unload the 6 or so bags they needed unloaded and helped them get them into the shed.friday i decided that my gift was to myself as i was nervous and unsure about this job interview so i decided i was just going to be extra patient with my self and get through the interview and i did..still haven't heard yet but am keeping my fingers crossed. sat. my gift was to my younger daughter and her friends as they were spending the night at one of their houses not mine and they wanted to go the movies but her mom had no car so i went and took them to the movies and then picked them up and took them back to the girls house they were all so appreciative even my daughter who is not always that way at 13..on sunday i had not done anything yet and i was so tired and my granddaughter had just gone home and my thought was to just lay down and do nothing for a night when a friend called and wanted to come over. i knew in her voice something was wrong so even though i really didn't want to i said ok..when she got here she was a mess and told me her and her husband were thinking of divorce.i just listened for a couple hours its hard they are both good friends but i knew she just needed to vent so that is what i allowed and so that was my gift for sunday.yesterday on monday i was kinda emotionally spent. i think i was just kinda getting back into self and honestly i didn't leave the couch. i couldn't get warm and i was just kinda blah and it was one of those days i just missed my husband so much and wished he were still alive and thought about how different it would be if he were..in other word i just held a day long pity party for myself and didn't do anything but cuddle with all my animals so i guess the cuddles were my gift to them yesterday..i layed in bed last night thinking of how i felt just a week ago and how excited i was to feel useful or good about myself and how yesterday was just a wasted day and so i woke up this morning with a determination to go back to last weeks determination and get out of myself and start fresh..so i hoping i continue that path for today and everytime i start thinking something that dosen't lead in that direction i will stop and start fresh..i really appreciate this site as i have found new friends that check in everyday which gives me the desire to keep going forward in this challenge. anyway i hope everyones day is filled with opportunity and i am firm in the belief that mine to will be if i just allow it to be..thanks to all of you today is a new day..and i plan to use it wisely helen

[Deb~ Community Manager]

It doesn't matter how long it has been Helen. You carry all those feelings of love and loss for a lifetime~ I wish I could hug you. You are very strong and determined and I certainly admire you so much for that~ When some of us would just hide under the covers you have chosen to continue on~ Bless you for having the courage to do that...You are truly an inspiration to me~ xo

[helen klaw]

thank you guys..its been four years since my husband died but there are days when it seems like yesterday and that was the kind of day i had..but i am back and refuse to let anything keep me from haing a positive day today..thank you guys so much you don't know how much this has helped me..you guys give me gifts of encouragement every day so thank you

[Deb~ Community Manager]

You were so nice to help your neighbors Helen~ Bet they were appreciative~ You did great things for the girls too. It helped the night to be success! I am glad you took the day to yourself. We all need it now and then~ I am so sorry for your loss of your beloved husband~ I am sending a big hug... We love you here and here for any support you may need... I am glad you have this new and positive outlook for every day we are given and to make the best of it. You are doing a fabulous job Helen! Happy day and blessings to you! xo