I know it has been a long time since I was on here. But I am in need of this practice in a more intentional way. 3 Days ago I was with my fiance', had a car, a temporary safe place to live, and direction for my life.
My fiance' let me know that she didn't know that she wanted to be married with me anymore, left with her car, stranded me, and I'm now couch surfing... and I don't know where I will be tomorrow.
I just sat at the computer trying to do my normal things, I couldn't remember from one page to the next. If I can focus on something positive rather than this strange survival mode perhaps it will help.
So I am going to do a new round. (I've lost count from the last time.)
I need a way to check in that is safe, and positive. So I remembered this place and you guys. Before, this was old hat for me... now I need it just so I can survive this...
My fiance' says she needs time/space/stability. Just not with me for now. So for now, I feel abandoned and lost. Come Monday I don't have something to focus on... HELL I can't focus on something, anything today...
You guys know me. I'm pretty positive, but I will have to find some more creative ways to give than facebook posts. Unless I am in bed and not capable of leaving the room.
I woke up crying.. that has never happened to me before. I've woken up from a nightmare, but never because I was too angry and sad to be able to sleep. So I am asking some of you to check on me, and encourage me because this is the most emotionally difficult thing I've remembered having to go through in a long time.
Thanks in advance,