Today was the first baseball game of the season for our school. At first, I was so excited because I remembered Paul telling me last year that he couldn't wait until the next season because he would be starting center fielder.
I drove to the baseball field and sat in my car. When I looked to the center field position, I realized that Paul wasn't there. That he never would be. He never got that chance because he was taken too soon.
I have a cross on a chain that hangs around the rear-view mirror in my car. Recently it broke and so the cross has just been sitting on my dashboard ever since.
I drove to the cemetery where Paul was buried and I took the cross off the dashboard and placed it on Paul's grave. I wished so badly I could give him just one more chance to live and play his favorite game. Just one more time, in the perfect position, on a perfectly sunny day surrounded by his teammates.
But, I realized all I could give him was that cross and my friendship.
I sat on a bench by his grave for a long time just thinking and remembering everything about him. Like the time he looked me in the eyes and made me promise we would be friends no matter what.
It really is no matter what now. Even though he's gone and not with me anymore, he's still my best friend and always will be.
It just breaks my heart I won't ever be able to bring him back to live his dream.