R11, D21

[IslandGirl]

I woke up around 3:30am, just as the first streaks of light were showing on the horizon (yep, I'm pretty far north) with a surge of emotional pain like I haven't experienced in a long time. I guess if I'm going to write about staying peaceful, the universe is giving me ample opportunity to practice - though that's not exactly the way I would've phrased it this morning.

I couldn't get back to sleep, so I just lay in bed and tried to let myself feel what was going on without beating myself up about it. There was a lot of fear and anger and hurt (but mostly fear). 

Eventually, I got up and took bread to the soup kitchen - my Wednesday morning ritual. There, I received an awesome gift in the form of a brief connection with one of the friends I haven't seen much lately...and that shifted my mood enormously. My sister called me later in the day, which also boosted my mood.

I gave myself a peace-of-mind gift by filing some more financial paperwork (being a dual citizen is a LOT of paperwork!). I was going to leave it at that for today, because things are so tight, but... I went to the grocery store, and for the first time in three years, I used some of my 'frequent shopper' credit (I've been saving up, and it kind of bums me out that I have to use it, but I'm grateful it's there). Once I decided I was going to do that, I added $2 for the food bank.  

As much as I know to 'give what feels scarce' and as much as I want to give money, at this point - today - I feel like that wouldn't leave me enough for the week. I mean, maybe it would... maybe I should try... but I don't know if my faith is that strong. (And much as I like giving food to the soup kitchen, I don't want to go back to eating there if I can avoid it!)

 I know something will come in - work, or something - and I know what to focus on until it does (this personal writing project), but money issues are such a huge trigger for me that it takes a lot of energy to shift my thinking and my emotions. On the bright side, it takes less now than it did three years ago.

Hope you all had a good Wednesday. Cheers!

[Rita Lewis]

You are truly generous & have a huge heart. I will pray for you each day that things will get brighter for you-financial problems are really tough to deal with,especially when you want so much to give more. But sometimes just your prayers for others can be the greatest gift of all. We all need prayers. Take good care of yourself dear.

Love & Peace & Blessings

[Deb~ Community Manager]

Love and prayers coming your way~ Please take care and know how much this community cares! xoxo

[Michele wwt]

Financial difficulties can take their toll in so many ways. I will keep you in my prayers. Many times when I don't have extra money for giving, I try to focus on nonmaterial gifts. Always remember that your bright light is a gift each and everyday. Take care.

[Lois55 wwt]

I hate to see you walking this tight rope....and I don't think it would do any good to give money and not leave enough for you to live on. You wouldn't get any joy from giving as long as you feel like an elephant is sitting on your chest. You have to take care of you, that is a gift in and of itself. I know you find ways to make it easy for someone everyday. Please take care....prayers are going up for positive changes for you...Hugs...