Thank you again for your continuing support. Today was another step forward, despite weather that has led my landlord to call this month "Juneuary" (very apt, given the downpour today and the past three weeks of clouds).
Late last night, I received an email from one of my landlords (they're a couple) asking if I could write something for them (for pay). I did their Web site last year, and they loved it. I gave her an estimate, and she immediately said yes and began sending me information. It's a really tight turnaround and a lot of work, but it's a good distraction. They've been really, really good to me; a few years ago, when I went through my crisis, I fell behind 2 months on rent, and they were patient with me. So I have immense gratitude for that, and I generally cut my rate in half for them. As this is turning out, if I were charging full price, it would probably cover July's rent! But I think it's a good sign that at least some work is coming in.
Gift-wise: I bought a card for my friend whose book launch was tonight. And I went to the launch (being as much of an introvert as I am, that was a gift!), which was actually kind of fun and a good distraction. Distractions lift me out of my mind enough to be (sort of) present and alert.
Also, yesterday I mentioned that one of my sisters wanted to make a collective donation for my father's ex-wife's 100th birthday. I asked another sister (the one I'm closest to, and the only one who uses PayPal) if I could send her $20 to add to her donation (each of my other sisters is chipping in $50). She suggested that, to keep things simple, she could deduct it from the amount she was going to send me for my birthday. Oddly, at first (internally), I balked. I don't know why - the net result is the same, and it saves me the PayPal fees. But there was something in me that resisted and felt like, "It's MY birthday!" But I said yes, and then I had an inspiration: I emailed the "coordinating" sister and asked her to also deduct $20 from whatever had planned to give me for my birthday. (Historically, one has given me $50-$100 cash and the other a $100 gift certificate that, uh, I don't really use, so they just stack up in the drawer). I can't say it made me feel expansive. There's a good reason my father never spoke to his ex-wife again (but I'm the only one he told); on the other hand, the point is to give, right? To be open and flowing. Then I started feeling guilty that I hadn't asked them each to deduct $25, so I would be matching their donations. But all three of them are currently working full-time and have more regular income than I do. But as far as the Challenge goes, I think doing this is a good gift.
Now it's late and I completely forgot that tomorrow is garbage day. So onward to gathering the trash - and then maybe a bubble bath. The distractions are gone, and some sadness is setting in. Self-care and soul-care are in order.
Hope you all had a good Thursday! Cheers!