This morning, I took muffins and scones to the soup kitchen. In the afternoon, I left a quarter on a public bench and took photos of a quartet of tourists, which is always fun (and reminds me that I live in a beautiful tourist destination).
I've been staying pretty calm, despite not finding work. I am pretty sure work with my friend/client will resume at some point - and I think soon, but I'm not sure. I've made a point of not asking her, and trusting that she'll bring it up when she's ready. This afternoon, though, I got a call from one of the agencies involved in my Financial Situation, regarding the debt I think I paid off last week. I didn't recognize the number, and it was during telemarketer hours, so I let it go to voicemail. (The collection agency, and the other gov't agency, both have it on file that I prefer all contact in writing, so a call was doubly surprising). The voicemail was just a recording that said "please contact us," but still... it was a sudden trigger of anxiety. Although I made the big payment that brought me up to date, I still have to make monthly premium payments, and this month I haven't been able to do that. It's on a list with about five other bills I haven't been able to pay. I'm living on hard-boiled eggs and peanut butter (and remembering to be grateful that I have even that), knowing that things will turn around - but I'm also starting to feel a bit impatient. I've had four project leads, and none has come through yet. So I keep doing what I think I'm supposed to be doing, and mostly (maybe 80% of the time) trusting.
If I knew I could pay whatever remains on this debt, I wouldn't feel so anxious. So I'm reminding myself that I will be able to pay it, one way or another. I just don't have it on hand right now. I have to get into a calmer headspace before I call them back.
Why am I writing all this? Because over the past year, there have been a few days like today, with sudden - or multiple - triggers, and it's always worked out. So I'm writing this and looking forward to the day I can look back and show myself (and you all), "See? It worked out." (And also: "Whew - glad that's over with!")
On the upside, last month my landlords hired me to help them with awards submissions, and yesterday we found out they're finalists in 4 out of the 6 categories they entered, which is a huge deal for them. So that's exciting (and it makes me feel good).
Hope you all had good Wednesdays. Cheers!