This morning, I took the day-old muffins and scones I've been picking up from the coffee shop every night to the soup kitchen - this is now a Monday-Wednesday-Friday tradition. I'd gathered change at home to treat myself to a coffee, but I decided instead to leave a quarter in a washroom. Then I left a Post-it note in another. I wrote what I needed to read: "BREATHE. Everything will be fine. Have a wonderful weekend!" Hopefully it's relevant to whoever sees it. Late in the afternoon, another quarter from the coffee-change collection fell out of my pocket. As I reached to pick it up, I thought twice - inspired by Laura M - and decided to leave it there. After all, right now I'd love to find a quarter!
Emotionally, it was an exhausting day. I didn't sleep much last night, woke up with anxiety and couldn't really focus on anything. Usually when I'm feeling off, I make time to meditate or at least walk and listen to different spiritual teachers (Eckhart Tolle, Pema Chodron, Tara Brach). But even after walking, I felt out of sorts. I spoke to my sister in Florida for quite a while, which helped considerably. I felt much less panicky.
I sent out a few more emails, and there are a couple of small possible projects - which is a big step up from "none". So we'll see. I don't know what's going to happen, but I feel calmer about that now than I did last night (whew!). Many years ago, I had a dream that took place on a rollercoaster at night. I'm not a rollercoaster fan, but this dream really stuck with me: I couldn't see the whole structure, only the three lights on either side directly ahead of me. And as the cart moved, the next lights came on (and so on and so forth). So in each moment, I could only see what was directly ahead - and in each moment, I knew I would see what was directly ahead, as it happened. So that's what I'm trying to keep in mind.
Looking forward to getting some rest tonight.
Hope you all had a good Friday. Cheers!