In keeping with my desire to give with the right intentions (and not overgive out of anxiety), my gifts today were small but sincere: two emails to people I'd been meaning to email but kept not quite getting around to it. There are many days when personal emails are just part of what I do, and I don't count them as gifts. But today my other gift ideas were thwarted, and so I committed to sending those two as my gifts.
The thwarted gifts were: an attempt at a group photo (to five women who had no idea what I was saying, even when I mimed taking a picture) and a planned stealth give of the grocery gift card I have. There was some resistance there, because part of me still has fear around money. But it also felt like a good opportunity to focus on giving what feels scarce - and I did buy it with the intention of giving it away. My plan was to place it in - guess where? - a washroom, but when I got there, there was a lineup. Hard to do stealth that way (LOL), and I didn't have the patience to wait it out.
Then, late this afternoon, I thought I could give the mowing-the-lawn gift. My landlords still haven't brought a new lawnmower, and the lawn is out of control. Again. Which doesn't bother me as much as it bothers the neighbours (though it would be nice to be able to mow it, and it's been 3 months since the old one died). One neighbour offered to let me borrow his, but between the heat and different schedules, I haven't been able to do it. So this afternoon - very grumpily, and not at all in the spirit of giving - I thought, "FINE. I'll do it at 6:00, when it's cooled down." As fate would have it, the neighbour wasn't home. So maybe that will be tomorrow's gift - and I'll be in a more appropriate headspace to view it as a gift.
I'm in a grumplebunny mood (to use Deb's word). Lots of different factors/triggers, and I need to remember to focus on the moment and on the positive. In this moment, all is well.
Hope you all had good Tuesdays. Cheers!