I got up this morning to take bread to the soup kitchen. I wasn't in a particularly good mood; I haven't slept well for a few nights, and I just wanted to stay in bed.
This morning, my sister BCCd me on an email that was filled with information but which, because of an old trigger of mine, brought up a feeling of aloneness, and I responded to her out of that hurt place. Nothing mean, just a bit self-pitying. I hadn't had a real conversation with anyone (other than a clerk or someone I took a photo for) since Sunday, and I was feeling alone. Then I felt awful for having had such a knee-jerk reaction to someone who loves me and gives me so much. I sent her an apology (at the same time she sent me one, feeling that she'd been insensitive), and we agreed to talk later in the day.
I tried my newfound trick of writing a Post-it note with what I needed to hear and leaving it in the washroom. This one said: "SMILE! Who you are makes a difference. Have a great day!" I waited till the washroom was empty, so I could place it on the mirror. That didn't quite cheer me up, though (though when I saw it was still there eight hours - and who knows how many people - later, that made me giddy).
I went to the coffee shop (sleepiness convinced me to break my one-coffee limit) and cleared some tables for the clerks.
I walked back up the hill to pick up my boots and take them to a repair shop. I own two pairs of shoes: sandals/water shoes and hiking boots. With the amount of walking I do, that puts a fair strain on both pairs. It took me about half a mile in a direction I don't usually walk (not particularly fun or interesting); along the way, I saw a sidewalk chalk drawing of Earth and the words "Be Happy." That made me smile. There are a lot of sidewalk-message ninjas in this town. I turned my focus from thinking "the repair shop is out of the way" to "I can afford to have the heels replaced on these boots I love."
In the afternoon, a man approached me and asked for change. I hadn't seen him before, and I didn't have any change in my pocket. I apologized and tried to look him in the eye, but he wouldn't look at me. I walked about 25 feet then stopped and checked my knapsack, and I found a $2 coin. I went back, found him and gave it to him. I said I hoped he'd be able to get dinner or something (Salvation Army, the only shelter here, charges $2 for dinner).
And, staying open to opportunities, I took a photo of a couple I'd place in their 70s and what appeared to be one of their fathers (90s). That was fun.
This morning, I decided to listen to Cami's book again as part of my renewed commitment to giving. I usually listen to audiobooks, rather than read hard copies, because I can listen while I walk - and I'm always walking! The first time I listened to 29 Gifts, though, I think I was distracted by the reader's voice and style. I loved the book, but there were nuances I missed. Of course, that was many months ago, too, and it's really cool to listen again and a) focus more on Cami's writing style (which I love) and b) see what resonates with me now, after several rounds.
I'm so glad I decided to revisit the book, because even though I'm only about halfway through the second listen, there are things that resonate now that I wouldn't necessarily have noticed a year ago.
Hope you all had wonderful Wednesdays. Cheers!